You misjudged that one, didn't you? I don't suppose you're ever going to try to pull rank on me in front of my co-workers again, are you? Because chances are, I'll do exactly what I did today: laugh in your face and walk away to go and do some ACTUAL FUCKING WORK, leaving you looking like a complete tool.
When you refer to yourself in the third person, you have to understand that people are going to think you're a pompous, jumped up twat. You also have to understand that when you're talking to someone who is 30 years old and has 10 years' experience putting up with shitty, incompetent managers, the natural answer to the (comedy) question "Are you, or are you not, finished being rude to The Manager?" is "No."
Go fuck yourself, you fat, useless fucker. If I was bad at my job - and if you were any good at yours - I genuinely wouldn't mind being spoken to like that. The facts are, though, that I am very good at my job and you fucking SUCK at yours. You change the rules constantly (do we stop doing breakfasts at 12, or not? Make up your mind, and fucking stick to it) and don't bother to explain them to anyone, then patronise us when we do things the way you told us to do them yesterday. You take orders from customers and forget to write them down, then hide in the kitchen when they start complaining. You give customers dirty cutlery - very nice. You refuse to just TELL the KP that she NEEDS TO WASH UP FASTER: instead, you order the waitresses to wash up all the cups in the timy sink behind the bar. You "just pop out" a minimum of 3 times a day, for a minimum of an hour at a time, and there is never anything to show for these expeditions. It's not like you're running out to get more milk, or trying to get to the bank before it closes: so where <i>are</i> you going? What </i>are</i> you doing, while your minimum-wage waitresses try to hold things together during the rush?
To be honest, though, it makes no fucking difference whether you're there or not because all you ever seem to do is either stand in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and talking bollocks to the chef, or stand behind the bar fucking around with the till and getting in the way of whoever's making drinks.
Tell me, why is it that for the 2 weeks that you were on holiday, the place ran without a hitch - and as soon as you got back and started running shifts again, everything started falling apart? Why is that? Why did we run out of 5 things on the menu today, 4 days after you got back and resumed responsibility for ordering? That didn't happen ONCE while you were away. Why were we so ridiculously short-staffed today? That didn't happen while the owner was running the place instead of you.
You fucking suck. And that pathetic attempt you made to assert your authority over yourself today just confirmed that I really do need to start looking for another job.